KamiSama
by Yma
Summary: Oneshot: Kon meets his God but that's only the start of his troubles. What will he do when, in return for the lives of his people, he must hand over Uryu Ishida to his greatest nemisis?


Kami-Sama

It had been just over a month since Ichigo Kurosaki returned from the Soul Society and, since then, Kon's life had changed back to its usual routine of bullying, disrespect and restriction.

Alright, so maybe it wasn't quite that bad. Sure, he was stuck in the darn plushie again but at least he didn't have to deal with Ichigo's family twenty four seven. That had to count for something.

He did occasionally get into Ichigo's body after all. Like now, when Ichigo was off fighting the latest Hollow encroachment.

It was evening; the Kurosaki family had already eating dinner and were doing whatever they did of an evening. Leaving Kon, now comfortably in Ichigo's body, to dance joyfully around the room with Ichigo's MP3 player stuffed in his ears, chanting along with his favourite rap song.

He was pretty surprised Ichigo was into this sort of music, having pegged the kid for a rock fan himself. Who knew the guy actually had taste?

He was so embroiled in enjoying the dance, revelling in the feeling of how his legs moved under him, how this supple body obeyed his every command, that he didn't notice the Shinigami girl climbing onto the window ledge until she was practically in his room.

When he finally did notice her she was sitting primly on the window-sill as if this was the sort of thing she did every night.

The first thing he noticed was her legs. Damn but she had fine legs. He didn't know that the Shinigami girls wore their uniforms cut that high, but this one did. Not bad breasts either, nothing to write home about but… Oh, and the face was cute. Dark eyes, straight, neatly cut hair, pretty sweet… definitely a babe.

'Er… hey!' he said.

'Hello.'

'So… what's a cute looking girl like you doing in my bedroom and how can I persuade you to stay?'

The girl blinked and cocked her head, reminding Kon of nothing more than a curious sparrow.

'You must be cold out there,' he tried, 'specially those legs. What say you come in and I warm you up a bit?'

'I am not cold.'

'Er… how about sleepy? There's a great bed in here, I'll even show you how to use it.' Alright, so that last one was a bit low, but it wasn't as if she was responding to any of his more romantic pickup lines.

'I do not want sex,' the girl replied bluntly.

Kon winced, but gawked at her next words.

'You are Ichigo's Mod Soul?'

'Er… yes?' he hazarded. 'Hey, how do you know about-'

'Follow me,' she said, ignoring his objections. She slid off the sill and leapt to the roof of another house where she stood, evidently waiting for him to follow.

Really, Kon reflected, it wasn't safe to leave the house with a stranger. Ichigo would probably be pissed if he discovered he'd taken his body outside.

But then again his curiosity had been piqued and, hell, it wasn't every day he was asked out by a chick with such gorgeous legs. By any chick really, come to think of it.

He leapt out of the window, landing smoothly next to her.

'Where are we going?' he asked.

She didn't reply, but turned and bounded to another rooftop and then another, leading the way.

He followed her leaps with ease, even moving ahead of her in some places, showing off his leg-power.

If she was impressed she didn't show it. She continued to leap and run across the roofs and through the streets when it suited her fancy. Until, at last, they came to what seemed to be a slightly disreputable area of Karakura town.

There was a man… or Kon thought it was a man, waiting for them down there.

Kon guessed that, like the girl, he must be in spirit form simply due to the fact he didn't have a crowd of people round him screaming, 'Freak!'

He was wearing what looked to be a long white coat over his Shinigami uniform. His skin was entirely white, his face looking more like a skull than anything else and he had the strangest hat Kon had ever seen. Like a small steam boat had decided to land on his head.

He made Kon feel distinctly uneasy.

'Ah, Nemu, I see you found it. You took long enough, slow-poke.' The man's voice was high and nasal, echoing disturbingly within the confines of the mask.

Kon tensed up at these words, getting ready to put his legs to the best use. 'Who are you?' he asked.

Perhaps it was Kon's imagination, but the creature seemed to smile. 'I am Mayuri Kurosuchi, captain of the Twelfth Division and second president of the Shinigami Research division, but you may call me… God.'

Kon blinked. 'Huh?' Then things slotted together. 'You're… you were the one that created the Mod Souls?

Mayuri shrugged. 'I was the one that developed the fighting Mod Souls. It was a shame the council had them destroyed, just because of a few petty scruples. They took me years to develop, an utter waste of time. Or… so I thought. I'd never have guessed one would survive. It's nice to see that my work has some… durability.'

Kon spluttered, and then shook himself. 'No,' he said. 'No way could you be… this must be some sort of trick right? You're trying to trick me?'

'You are a lower-build form, yes? Tricky… your sprit energy in your legs has been enhanced, enabling you to run at impressive speeds and jump to remarkable heights. However, it also means you have a slightly heightened libido. From what I recall of that line… ah yes… yes you like rhythm and percussion, your favourite colour is blue. You possess a rebellious and vivacious personality coupled with a slight insecurity complex and a minor lack of social skills. You are self confident but with a heightened sense of self preservation also inbuilt. You were created to specialise in scouting and guerrilla tactics, especially pertaining to-'

'Shut up!' grated Kon, his voice going high with fear. 'SHUT THE HELL UP!'

Mayuri clicked his fingers together and behind the white rictus Kon knew he was laughing.

'You believe me then?'

'Y… yeah.'

'Then I have something I want you to do.'

Kon took a step backwards, licking his lips. 'What? Why should I…?'

'I am your Creator. Your… God.'

'So?'

'So… God giveth life, and he taketh it away.'

Kon looked around wildly; he curled his legs beneath him, ready to jump. Ichigo's body seemed to be shaking, cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck. Kon found himself thinking, absurdly, that Ichigo would probably beat him to a fluffy pulp when he found the sweat stains on his shirt.

'Ah, ah there's no need for that!' the Mayuri thing said. 'I'm not threatening you. I'm making you an offer.' He reached into his spacious coat and brought out a small, wooden box.

He flicked it open with one talon and Kon gawped at the contents.

Pills.

Dozens of small, green pills.

'Did you think they were all destroyed?' he asked. 'I saved a few for… private study. If you do as I ask then they're all yours. And more… I am not an ungenerous God. I've mastered the production of artificial bodies too, such as this one here.'

He gestured to the girl, who stood demurely by his side. 'It's a combination of artificial soul and artificial body, made out of my very own. If you do this simple favour for me, I'll make one for you as well.'

Kon's eyes roamed over Nemu's body, lingering on her long, strong, shapely legs. For once his gaze was not lustful… or, at least not in the conventional way.

'One… like hers?'

'Well, I'm sure I can manage to make yours male but…' his creator chuckled. 'If you want, as an added extra… I'll even give you a ride on Nemu.'

Kon swallowed; he was trembling again, but this time with a far different emotion.

'What do you want, Kami-sama?'

'It's nothing much. There's a boy here who is… of interest to me. The Quincy Boy. Bring him here. I don't care how you manage it. Present him to me and I shall give you your people and your own body, in due course.'

Kon frowned, shifting from one leg to the other uneasily. 'What are you gonna do with him?' he asked.

'That is none of your business.'

'It is. He's Ichigo's friend and he'd kill me if he found out-'

'That's not your main concern,' interrupted his creator, almost angrily. 'Your only concern is doing what I tell you to.'

'Are you kidding?' Kon said, disbelieving. 'Look, you may be the guy who made me but it's Ichigo I gotta live with and trust me, if I piss him off then-'

'I see,' interrupted Mayuri, his voice high and shrill, 'that further incentive is required.' He reached into the box of Mod-Souls and took one out. He held it between his delicate, bone-white fingers, his jaundiced eyes still fixed on Kon.

'Behold the wrath of a god,' he said. There was a crunching sound and Kon barely had time to register the small, green pill between Mayuri's fingers crack, splinter, and turn to dust as the Shinigami captain crushed it.

'You… you...' he spluttered, hardly able to take it in. 'You killed…'

'Yes. And if you wish to receive a full contingent of Mod Souls suggest you act fast. Every hour that passes after this I shall crush another pill. So hurry and do my bidding.'

Kon staggered back, the world seemed to spin around him for a moment. Then, breathing heavily, he span round and leapt up into the air, and onto the roofs, running across the town in search for a certain Quincy.

'Shit!' swore Kon as he ran across the rooftops. 'Shit-shit-shit-shit!'

How the hell did he land himself in situations like these? What had he done to deserve this? Why did things like this always happen to him!

Alright… he took several deep breaths.

He had to calm down, had to collect himself, had to think.

If he was Ishida Uryuu, where would he be?

In bed was the obvious answer, but that didn't help at all! He had no clue where Ishida's house was!

'SHIT!' he screamed out, jumping across an entire street.

He paused to look at his watch. Fifteen minutes gone, and he had no clue where the damn Quincy could be!

He continued his race across the skyline, unsure of where he was going but unable to stop. Who could stand and think with this sort of pressure on?

He looked around him, desperately searching for something, anything that might…

He stopped, feet skidding on the tiles. Down there, in the street, was a flash of white.

He bounded a couple of roofs towards it.

It wasn't… it was…

Kon could have screamed with joy.

Oh someone up there did like him! (…Well, obviously they did, Mayuri and all… but someone who wasn't a Shinigami.)

In the street, walking down the road as normal as you please, was Ishida Uryuu.

Kon paused and took several deep breaths. Right, now he just had to figure out a way of getting him to Mayuri.

Ichigo. He looked like Ichigo and Ishida would follow Ichigo around anywhere, if only to continue their battle as to who had the biggest weapon.

Kon sniggered; he knew the answer to that one.

Kon shook his head. He had to get down to business.

He took a deep breath and tried to pull his face down into a frown, beginning his 'Pretending to Be Ichigo Canticle.'

"I am angry. I am full of angst. I have a giant bloody sword on my back and I can feel every gram of it. No one understands me. I am a violent, insecure little bastard who takes his frustration out on stuffed toys. I am Ichigo Kurosaki, hear me snarl."

Feeling more 'In Character,' he jumped off the building, down into the street opposite Ishida so that the Quincy wouldn't see his inhuman leap.

He ran down the street to where it intersected with Ishida's path and soon he was facing the boy.

'Yo, Ishida!' he yelled breathlessly.

Ishida, who was walking alone and apparently unarmed (though Kon knew better) looked at him in bemusement.

'Come with me!' Kon said, when the Quincy didn't answer. 'It's urgent!'

Ishida raised one dark brow, a look of scepticism on is face.

'What are you doing with Ichigo's body, Kon?'

Shit.

Kon's mouth fell open. 'Er… how did you know?'

'You have the wrong Reiatsu. Does Ichigo know you're taking his body out on a joy ride?'

Kon gabbled, he didn't have time for this. 'Listen,' he said, taking several steps towards Ishida until they were pretty close. 'I need you to come with me! It's important!'

'Why?'

'Just come!'

'Not until you explain why.'

There was no way the Quincy was going of his own free will, (or else why would Mayuri have asked Kon collect him?) so he was going to have to try this the tough way.

'Sorry 'bout this,' he apologised, and kicked the unsuspecting Ishida in the head.

Ishida hardly had time to register the movement. Kon had been close enough that there was no room to dodge and besides, hand to hand was hardly his specialty.

Kon's boot landed firmly under his chin, pushing him back and sending him sprawling across the concrete where he lay, unmoving.

The Mod Soul dashed forward, putting his hand to Ishida's pulse. He didn't know his own strength and he didn't want to have…

Ishida was still breathing and his pulse was strong, but he was out cold.

Perfect!

With a little difficulty, Kon heaved Ishida's limp form over his shoulder. The guy was heavier than he looked, but it was nothing Kon couldn't manage.

Taking as much weight on his legs as he could he leapt back up to the rooftops and continued his bounding journey to where he'd left Mayuri.

If his timing was right he should get back there with about fifteen minutes spare.

Things were going just right.

'Oy! What the hell are you doing?'

Or maybe not.

Kon turned at the sound of the dreaded voice and saw that, yes, it was in fact the real

Ichigo Kurosaki.

He'd been wrong. The higher powers up there weren't smiling down on him today, they were laughing.

And pointing.

And possibly passing round popcorn.

The substitute Shinigami was standing on one of the telephone polls, a look of disbelief on his face.

Kon considered his options a moment and decided that; all in all, running was the best course of action.

He did just that, ignoring Ichigo's calls behind him. He concentrated on the movement of his legs, on each leap, each step as he practically flew across the landscape of Karakura's skyline. Perhaps it was the this body's adrenaline rush, perhaps it was some part of his programming coming to surface, some aspect of combat he'd forgotten, buried deep and almost unused in his soul, but he couldn't deny the thrill of the chase.

His legs were aching now, and his back was afire with the added weight of the Quincy.

It was slowing him down though, he was finding it hard to make leaps that usually he would have considered a cake walk but, he was pleased to see, he was still outpacing Ichigo.

If he kept this up he'd lose him entirely and then he just had to hand over Ishida to Mayuri and-

He skidded to a halt as, on one of the flatter roofs, he came face to face with Mr Urahara and his cane.

'Hello there Kon!' said the man in a friendly tone. 'What are you doing out this late?'

For a moment Kon considered running again, jumping over the shopkeeper, or dashing around him perhaps? Heh, who was he kidding? This guy was well above his league and, even if he wasn't, he had enough friends as back up to make Kon a powdery splatter on the floor.

Behind him he heard Ichigo land with a soft thud.

'You better have a good explanation for this, Kon!' he growled.

'Shit,' muttered Kon and, seeing there was nothing else he could do, told them the whole story.

When Kon had finished Urahara stroked his chin thoughtfully and said, 'It seems Mayuri-kun has picked up a couple of tricks. I should have guessed he'd try something like this, it's exactly his style.'

'Never mind that!' protested Kon, even dismissing Urahara's odd use of the guy's

name. 'I gotta get back there before the hour is up!'

Ichigo stepped towards him, grabbing him by his shirt. 'You bastard!' he snarled, 'how can you even think of that! You were gonna just turn Ishida over to him! Do you know what that psycho woulda done to him?'

'He's crushing those mod-souls!'

'They're just freaking pills!'

'They're my people!' yelled back Kon, 'They don't deserve to die!'

'And what the hell makes you think Ishida does!'

'At least he gets a second chance!' screamed Kon, feeling something break inside of him. 'He gets to go somewhere when he dies! What do we get? We're just a collection of modified spirit energy, you stupid bastard, we don't get a real soul! We don't get anything after death! This life is all I have, all WE have and I can't just let Mayuri take that away from my people before they've even had a chance to really live it!'

Ichigo's eyes widened, 'What?' he said, dumbly.

'It's true,' put in Urahara distractedly as he examined Ishida's unconscious form. 'As a modified soul, an artificial creation, he has no part in the reincarnation cycle.' He began to fan the unconscious Quincy, who groaned and made signs of waking up.

'Wha- Uh, what happened?' murmured Ishida, raising himself a little and putting a hand to his head, 'Wait, Kon! He-!'

'We know, Ishida-kun,' soothed Urahara, 'Don't worry. It's all sorting itself out, just rest here a moment and gather yourself.'

'He attacked me,' said Ishida fuzzily, ignoring Urahara's attempts to make him lie down. 'Kon… I was just on my way to you, Urahara-san, when he-' Ishida's eyes narrowed as he turned to where Kon was standing.

'I can explain!' stuttered Kon quickly. 'Really! I-'

'He was gonna sell you out to Mayuri,' explained Ichigo dryly.

'You were-!'

'Excuse me?' Urahara's calm voice cut into the argument with all the smoothness of a

Zanpaku'to through silk. 'I think we have more important matters to talk about.'

'You're right,' said Ishida, taking a deep breath. 'Why did you call us out?'

'As it happens, it was about Mayuri-kun,' explained the shopkeeper, leaning on his cane casually. 'A shipment of Soul Society goods that arrived tonight came with Mayuri-kun and his assistant as escorts. I knew something was up straight away so I thought it best to let you guys know. Good thing I did.'

Kon resisted the urge to tell the smug bastard that if he hadn't summoned Ishida out then he would never have found him. But he decided not to, attracting attention probably wasn't a good idea right now.

'What is Mayuri after?' Kon didn't think he'd ever heard anyone say a name with such venom as Ishida just had.

'You, obviously,' explained Urahara. 'He enlisted Kon by holding some other Mod Souls hostage and offering him an artificial body. Quite the deal breaker is that Mayuri-kun.'

'And he's gonna crush one of the Mod-Soul pills every hour till I give him what he wants!' Kon added, unable to remain silent any more. 'We have to do something!'

'Calm down.' Urahara put a finger in one ear and twiddled it casually.

'You got a plan?' asked Ichigo, curious.

'Sure.' Urahara removed the finger, inspecting it. 'Bur first Ishida-kun had better head on home. We don't want to just deliver him to Mayuri.'

'I will do no such thing!' snarled Ishida, getting up shakily.

'Ah, of course you will!' insisted the shopkeeper. 'If you came with us it would only give Mayuri-kun a chance to kidnap or kill you. Which would probably result in Ichigo defending you, which would in turn result in lots of property damage, possibly a few lives lost, maybe even a war between the Soul Society and ourselves. We don't want all that to happen again.'

Ishida sighed, 'Fine,' he said. 'I will go on my own.'

'Don't be stupid,' Ichigo scolded, 'What will you do against him? Throw a few stones?'

'Don't mock me Kurosaki!' Ishida took a step towards the Soul-Reaper. 'This is my business! My pride! I never asked for your help!'

'I ain't giving you my help!' snarled back Ichigo, 'I just wanna get Kon out of whatever crap he's landed himself in. This isn't about you, you egotistic twerp!'

'I'm not an idiot Ichigo, this isn't about Kon. This is about you sticking your nose into someone else's affairs because you think they're too weak to fight their own battles!'

'Yeah and that person is Kon, not you!'

'Oh,' muttered Kon from the sidelines, 'thanks for the show of support, partner.'

'Then let me take care of this!' raged Ishida, ignoring the Mod Soul's comment.

'It's not your business!'

'Yes it damn well is!'

'Now, now.' Once more Urahara's soft voice interrupted the argument, but this time neither boy was up for listening.

'What is it?' growled Ichigo, glaring at him.

'I was just about to say that, as Ishida-kun seems determined to come along, perhaps we should let him after all? So long as he's sensible…'

'Of course.' Ishida sounded smug, 'it's good that someone sees sense.'

'But-!'

'Don't worry Ichigo!' Urahara waved his hands placating, 'I'm sure it'll all work out. But first…' He dug into one of his coat pockets and brought out a small pill. 'Eat this, Ishida-kun, it's an energy pill. It'll put you in fighting form for if we have any trouble.'

Ishida took the pill and, looking at Urahara sceptically, swallowed it.

'Feel better?' asked the shopkeeper, curiously.

'Actually, I feel just the-' Ishida blinked, then fell over sideways.

It was only Ichigo's trained combat reflexes that allowed him to catch the Quincy before he landed hard on the unforgiving concrete surface of the roof.

'What did you do?' he asked, amazed.

'Oh, I just gave him a sleeping tablet. He'll be out like a light until tomorrow.' Urahara didn't even have the decency to sound a little guilty.

'Should we take him home?'

'No, we don't have time for that and I'm sure he'll be fine here until we're done.'

'What have you got planned?'

Urahara's friendly smile was enough to chill even Kon's blood. 'I think it's time I had a talk with my replacement.'

Kon approached the street where Mayuri was waiting with more than a little trepidation. He seemed to be in exactly the same place as before, the girl, Nemu, by his side. In his clawed hands the small wooden box of green Mod-Soul pills still nestled snugly but Kon could just make out that at his feet was a small pile of greenish dust.

He was too late to save another of his people.

Pushing back the emotions which surged within and checking behind him one last time, he took a deep breath, gathered his courage and stepped out.

The Shinigami turned to him, cocking his weird head to the side a little, his golden eyes narrowing.

'You've returned… but where is the Quincy boy?' His nasal voice rose a few creaking notes. 'Why didn't you bring him to me as I ordered?'

'He wasn't feeling well,' said a friendly voice as Urahara, accompanied by Ichigo, emerged from the shadows behind Kon. 'Hello Mayuri-kun,' he said jovially, waving to the other as if this were an every day occurrence. 'Nice night to be out in, isn't it? Completing some business transactions?'

'You! I… don't address me like me that!' The Shinigami captain sounded less than happy with Urahara's choice of suffix. 'And, as a matter of fact I was,' Mayuri's voice became sneering, 'though as my… patron hasn't completed his end of the deal, I fear it may be null and void. Luckily the merchandise is easy to dispose of.'

A shiver ran down Kon's spine and he suppressed the desperate urge to leap forward and grab the wooden box from Mayuri's hands. His entire body was trembling; the muscles in his legs ached from being so taut.

'Aw, isn't it a shame when that happens?' remarked Urahara, strolling right up to Mayuri, Ichigo flanking him.

'I hate to see any merchandise go to waste,' continued the merchant. 'Mind if I take a peek? Maybe I can take it off your hands?'

Before any of them, even Mayuri, had time to blink, Urahara's cane shot out slamming against the bottom of the box and sending it flying out of the scientists clawed fingers.

With the other hand Urahara smoothly caught the flying container, flipped it open and, before anyone could so much breathe a complaint or warning, he grabbed one of the green capsules and slipped it into his mouth.

There was a long silence as everyone watched the merchant pause, consider and bite down. The thoughtful look on his face was suddenly replaced by one of shock.

'Wow,' he said at last, 'Lime flavoured! I didn't know they did lime flavoured candy! How amazing… This is what comes from being out of touch with the latest Soul Society technology, I suppose, though I think I still prefer strawberry.'

'You…' hissed Mayuri, positively trembling with rage.

'Oh, I'm sorry,' said Urahara apologetically. 'How rude of me, would anyone else like one?'

He offered the box to the infuriated Mayuri who, spitting like a snake, struck out with one hand, knocking the box out onto the floor. Little green pills spilled out everywhere, rolling and scattering over the pavement like emerald rain.

'You…' he hissed again, bringing his face right next to the shopkeeper's. 'You… had no right to interfere!'

'Actually,' said the man coolly, 'as the only vendor of Soul Society Goods in this area I feel I have every right. After all, if another proprietor of Soul Merchandise should, for example, try to dupe some poor unsuspecting boy into selling the life of one of his comrades for nothing more than a fake promise and a box of lime flavoured candy… well, it would give the brand name a bad reputation. And I really couldn't tolerate that.'

While most of this had been delivered in a cool, friendly, business-like tone, there was no denying the subtle threat embedded in the last part.

Mayuri must have picked it up, for he immediately stepped down a little.

'Very well,' whispered the Shinigami at last. 'I shall conclude my business and be gone. Nemu! Collect the illicit soul and follow!'

'Yes sir,' said the girl quietly, and just as Kon was processing what the creepy scientist meant, she charged towards him.

He noticed, too late, that on one of her hands was a Soul-Removing glove. The sheer, constant thrill of his tightened nerves gave him the speed to dodge her first attack. He brought his leg up, blocking her second, and kicked out at her. She somersaulted over it, and tried to attack from behind. He ducked low, bringing his legs round in a circle to trip her up, but it didn't work, only enabling her to make another attempt to grab him with the glove. He barely evaded this one so he tucked his legs underneath him and sprung upwards, straight up into the sky.

'Hit him you stupid bitch!' screamed Mayuri from the sidelines.

Nemu leapt up also, hand outstretched. He had to contort awkwardly to avoid her grasp as he fell back down, fending her off with his legs as she practically landed on top of him.

Then, one swift angle misjudgement later, her gloved hand was past his defences and heading towards his face. For a second he thought it was all over. Then she was tugged off him by an enraged Ichigo.

'What the hell are you doing?' yelled Ichigo. He turned to Mayuri. 'What is the meaning of this?'

'The Mod Soul product was recalled for extermination years ago,' the scientist explained smoothly. 'I'm simply doing my duty as a Shinigami.'

'Ne, but Captain Mayuri, isn't that stealing?' asked Urahara, waving his fan in front of him. 'That soul has already been sold and the customer is perfectly happy with the product. If they want to keep it then surely there's no matter for concern?'

'And you have the receipt?'

'Yep.'

'How did he buy it? Does he have access to a Soul Society Bank Account?'

'Kuchiki-san bought it, but as Kurosaki-san is the main user of the item and the item is mainly located in either Kurosaki-san's body or his home I think the question of ownership is not an issue.'

'Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here!' yelled Kon, growing more than a little sick of being referred to as an 'item.'

'Shut-up!' Ichigo said and Kon cringed and let the argument continue.

'No,' Mayuri's voice grated out unexpectedly. 'Let us listen. Well, Mod Soul? What do you want? Stay here with these ungrateful wretches or follow your God into heaven?'

'You must be joking,' said Kon, incredulously. 'I'd rather kiss a hollow!'

'I am your god!' the Shinigami shrieked, 'I am your creator!'

'Yeah well… if you're God, then I'm an atheist.'

Mayuri snorted and turned to Ichigo, 'Are you happy with this? Do you truly find that… rude, rebellious, undisciplined letch a satisfactory product?'

Ichigo paused. 'Yeah,' he said at last. 'Yeah, I guess.'

'Thanks for the enthusiastic support,' muttered Kon sulkily, but nobody listened.

'Are you sure you don't want a replacement?' offered Mayuri. 'I can exchange it for a different one. Perhaps one made to order?'

'This one is fine, thanks.'

'Won't you even consider? My work is excellent I assure you… Maybe if you would be willing to loan this one to me for a month or so? I assure you I would return him once I had finished my… studies and… upgrades. You would hardly recognise it.'

Mayuri cast a hungry gaze Kon's way, and the Mod Soul felt his… or rather Ichigo's, blood freeze.

'No,' said Ichigo firmly. 'You're not getting your hands on Kon.'

There was a long pause. Kon tried to decode the expression behind the horrible façade that served as a face for the twelfth division captain. He couldn't succeed and he wondered, for a moment, if he would attack, or try to take Kon by force again.

But his broad, round, white-clad shoulders slumped into something resembling a shrug.

'Very well then,' he said. 'It is your loss. I suppose there will be other chances… Contact me again if you change your mind. Urahara… it has been… a pleasure.' The last words were spoken with all the warmth and friendliness of a steel, toxic icicle.

'Same here,' said Urahara in a very pleasant tone of voice. 'Say hello to the guys back in twelfth division for me, Mayuri-kun!'

'I'll do that,' sneered Mayuri, though he winced again at Urahara's use of his name. 'And goodbye to you, Substitute Soul Reaper,' he added, turning to Ichigo. 'Please send my greetings to the Quincy boy, tell him I'll certainly be seeing much more of him again… one way or another.'

With these last words he turned and, using the end of his Zanpaku'to, began to make the gate that would take them back to the Soul Society.

'Follow me, wretch,' he said to Nemu, before stepping through.

'W-wait!' yelled Kon, getting up from the concrete. He took a quick step forward and grabbed Nemu by her long sleeves. She looked at him blankly.

'What is it now?' Mayuri growled impatiently. 'Let go of my equipment!'

'You… why are you going with him? You… you could stay here, run away!'

'Kon…' Ichigo's voice was a low rumble of warning.

Nemu's expression didn't change; she merely cocked her head to the side, studying him.

'You don't need to live that like that!' Kon continued, his grip on her sleeve tightening. 'You don't need to stay with him!'

From just beyond the white gate, Mayuri's golden eyes narrowed dangerously; the silence was a pause between heart-beats.

Nemu smiled, and put one of her small hands on his, carefully removing his hand from her arm and twisting his fingers so that he was soon kneeling on the floor, yelping in agony.

'Thank you,' she said softly. 'But I cannot leave my Captain.'

'Why?' gasped out Kon, tears of pain running down his cheeks.

She let go of his hand, 'I think… it is because he is my Ichigo,' she explained simply then, turning, she followed Mayuri through the gate, back to the Soul Society.

The door closed behind them and no one spoke. Kon whimpered a little and pulled the injured hand closer, inspecting it.

'Is it alright?' asked Ichigo at last.

'Yeah…' said Kon at last. 'It's fine.'

'Good. I've got essays to do tomorrow and… I…' Ichigo paused, his face creasing further.

Kon waited for the inevitable explosion, the usual recriminations that he should be careful with Ichigo's body and what the hell what he doing grabbing the girl anyway and couldn't he keep his damn mind out of the gutter for one second and-

'I'm sorry that… you know… she didn't wanna stay.'

Kon looked up. 'Huh?' he said, stupidly.

'The girl,' explained Ichigo irritably. 'You obviously had the hots for her.'

'Well… er… she had great legs,' explained Kon lamely. Then grinned, 'Hey does that mean you approve of it?'

He inched forward, leering a little. 'Does that mean you like my taste in women? Mmm? What about that Orihime? Does that mean I can-'

Ichigo's hand slammed into Kon's forehead. 'Don't push it,' he said icily.

Kon yelped and fell back onto his butt, rubbing his forehead and grouching.

There was a sniggering and the two turned round to see Urahara chuckling from behind his fan.

'You two are just like brothers,' he remarked jovially.

'No way!' both Kon and Ichigo remarked in union, causing the shopkeeper to laugh all the louder.

'Say, hat 'n clogs,' Ichigo said at last, 'thanks for helping out back there. I owe you one.'

'Don't worry about it, I'll come and collect sooner or later.' Urahara smiled and Kon was reminded of all the reasons he didn't trust or like this guy, despite what he'd just done.

'Well, we'd best be off,' said Ichigo, grabbing Kon by the hand and pulling him along. 'See you later!'

'Bye-bye Ichigo,' yelled Urahara as the two made their way down the streets of Karakura town, back to Ichigo's home.

Getting back into the house proved no problem and soon the two of them were in Ichigo's bedroom.

Ichigo wordlessly moved towards his bed and picked up Kon's stuffed body. He passed it to him and the Mod Soul held it for a while.

It was soft under his hands, oddly two dimensional, its dark button eyes looking up at him emptily, hopelessly, just like…

'You know I could just leave, right?' Kon said, 'I could just take this body and run. You'd never catch me, not if I had a head start. Give me an hour and I could be half way to Osaka or somewhere, anywhere. You're not keeping me here.'

'Sure,' replied Ichigo, not turning to look at him, 'but you never would. That body is my life, Kon and you don't take lives, right?'

'Yeah…' Kon looked at his (Ichigo's) hands. 'Sure.'

'Sometimes,' said Ichigo, almost conversationally, 'people die in my dad's clinic. Not often but we have to keep the body in a freezer. And then there's Ishida. He's got contacts in the Hospital so I guess, you know… it wouldn't be hard to just…'

Kon looked up at the substitute Soul Reaper; he found himself unable to speak.

Ichigo wasn't always the best of guys. He was violent, thorny, a little uncaring sometimes and more introverted than most people thought but sometimes, just sometimes, Kon realized that beneath it all he was the kindest, most generous, most human soul he had ever known.

'Thanks,' he said at last, a little embarrassed that his voice was hoarse. 'Thanks but… dead bodies are so gross. I'm gonna wait to get my own. Perhaps I can get a cool Gigai like Nii-san's. Or maybe I'll just take over yours when you die.'

'I'll be sure to leave it to you in my will,' said Ichigo dryly. 'Now get outta my body and let me get some sleep.

Kon shrugged and brought his hand to his mouth.

Getting back into the plushie had never been easy. It involved either reaching into the back of his throat to grab the pill or a short, sharp, slap on the back, both of which were painful and/or more than a little degrading.

In the end they'd found the best way was for him to put hand to his mouth and force himself to cough violently, dislodging the pill into his hand, (along with some phlegm, but he didn't like to think about that)

When this process was over he felt Ichigo carefully pick him out of the gunk and force him down into the soft body of the toy.

It took a second for him to realign himself with the fluffy form again. Two dimensional vision, weakened muscles but, on the bright side, no icky fluids. And no nerve endings to transmit pain, always a plus.

Still, it would never compare to the strong, complex, graceful power of a real, organic body.

He heard Ichigo groan as he slipped back into his own corporeal form.

'Ouch…' he said, running a hand across his sore calf muscles, 'you really gave me a work out, didn't you?'

'It's not my fault you're so unfit,' grouched Kon. 'I can only work with what I'm given, you know?'

'Yeah, whatever, just think twice before you go chasing after some girls ass half way round Karakura town, OK?'

'Hey!' Kon spluttered indignantly, 'I was never after her ass!' Well… it was technically true.

'Shut up and let me get to bed.' Ichigo began to peel off his top and Kon turned around, crossing his stuffed arms in front of him. Male nudity was never on his top ten list of things to see. Not unless it could be used for embarrassment or bribery purposes later.

Eventually there was a creaking of bedsprings as Ichigo, now in his pyjamas, settled down to sleep.

The light went off and the room became dark save for the distant glow of the moon.

Kon, now lying down on the floor, looked up at it thoughtfully.

'I wonder what Mayuri was delivering to that creepy shopkeeper?' he asked at last.

'I dunno,' yawned Ichigo. 'Probably some sort of Soul Society stock.'

'Perhaps it's was a Gigai?'

'Mmm… maybe.'

Kon was silent again, sorting through his thoughts.

'I wonder,' he said at last. 'Do you think he has Nii-San's Gigai now? Hey!' a thought occurred to him; he sat up eagerly, his voice raised. 'Do you think that now Rukia-san isn't using her Gigai she wouldn't mind me borrowing it?'

'You are so disgusting, it's beyond words.' Ichigo's voice was shocked and angry but Kon could practically hear that, somewhere, under the frown, a smile was pushing its way up to the surface.

'Aw, but it'd be so bouncy! So soft…'

'You're already bouncy and soft.' Ichigo got up and, grabbing him, threw him against the wall which he hit with a little, enraged squeak before falling to the floor. 'See?' he said. 'Now shut up and let me sleep.'

Ichigo lay back down as Kon settled onto the carpet.

He considered whining and complaining for a bit, but decided against it. Ichigo probably wanted a good night's rest and, besides, it would only end in Kon being locked in the cupboard again.

So Kon lay back once more and allowed himself to fall deep into his own thoughts, his own reverie of long, slender legs, strong and shapely and free.

OMAKE:

The Next Day:

Ichigo got up and rubbed his eyes before swinging out of bed and stretching. He paused, frowning, then moved towards where Kon lay, still by the wall.

'Oy… Kon?' he yelled, picking the stuffed toy up.

'What is it?' Kon didn't look happy about being awoken.

'I've got a feeling… it's like I've forgotten something? Any idea what?'

'How should I know?' whined the Mod Soul. 'My night was more stressful than yours.'

'I guess you're right,' admitted Ichigo, putting Kon down and heading towards his clothes cupboard. 'It'll probably come to me later.'

Elsewhere:

Ishida groaned and woke up, his back aching from sleeping on such a hard surface.

He slowly got up and staggered around. He seemed to be on the roof of one of Karakura's larger skyscrapers it was cold and he was entirely alone.

This begged two questions.

What exactly had happened the night before?

And how did he get down?'


End file.
